The Untold Side of the Pandemic

There is something on the rise that has much larger and longer impacts, and little to no reports in mainstream news or media sources. Suicide rates are skyrocketing because of the mandated isolation and social distancing as a means of keeping us safe from something that we cannot see. But this has neglected the human’s need for connection and a sense of purpose. Add in the fact that a lot of states have pushed back their dates for lifting restrictions, which has hurt a lot of people’s hope for getting back to a sense of normalcy, connection, and ability to care for themselves. An economy that is crashing faster each day, causing people to lose their livelihoods and a sense of purpose. The means of providing for themselves, their family.

While we have had pandemics in the past, it doesn’t appear we’ve had one on this level. What we have had in the past that is similar to today is a sudden crashing economy. In 2008 as well as the late 1920’s early 1930’s, suicide had then skyrocketed because of the sudden loss of jobs, businesses, and the inability to care for their families and themselves. The rate decreased after the economy had started to right itself again.

Before we get to the question of what do we do, there needs to be some more light shed on suicide itself. Or, as much as possible as we never really know the true reasons behind death by suicide. Suicide is always coupled with something, a means to an end or a problem that they are experiencing. The stress of abuse paired with the solution of suicide. Take away the abuse, the solution of suicide is no longer needed. The same goes with means. Take away the ability to get a gun, their permit, their gun, and then the solution goes away long enough to intervene. This is why we therapists ask if there is a plan, have the families lock up the knives and other sharps throughout the home. And ask about what is causing you to think of suicide as an answer, because it is one of many answers. Just not the best one there is.

Yes, this makes it sound so easy to prevent suicide. It helps, but it isn’t always enough. I know and will openly admit that. We don’t always know that a person is suicidal, it’s a dark secret that can be well hidden by many. This is why asking someone if they are ok can’t be stressed enough, or even calling for a welfare check, talking to their family. Reaching out in some way helps.

Let’s jump back to the earlier question that was put on hold, what do we do. We need hope, connection, purpose, grace, and the ability to move forward. Have grace and understanding with yourself that what you are feeling is normal and acceptable to feel. There is never anything wrong with the feelings you have, ever. In regards to hope during a crisis, especially now, I think of what Mr Rogers said his mother always told him. “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers you will always find people who are helping.’”

But now let’s take that one step further and to the knowledge that things get better. The helpers are everywhere and they all would tell us that things are going to get better. We all know that problems get better, it just takes time. Movies, books, our previous struggles all tell us that things get better. This is just one chapter in life, not the whole book.

Having a sense of connection has only become harder. Phone calls, texts, emails, and even video calls have gotten to a point of not always being enough. It’s because we are naturally wired for face to face communication. So how can we get back to that? And in some instances, get back to that in a legal way. Let’s look at the five love languages for this connection.

There is more than one way to create connection and while physical touch isn’t applicable that still leaves us with four other ways to connect with people. Words of affirmation, get creative with it and tell those you love how wonderful they are. How much you appreciate the little things they do. Draw in their driveway a lovely picture with a message.

Gifts, make something for a loved one. Mail a drawing or painting to a loved one. A gift doesn’t have to be something purchased, it can be something made or done as well.

Acts of service are a great one to help you get out of the house. Weed an elderly neighbor or relative’s garden. Mow their lawn or rake up the leaves. Maybe a fence or part of the house needs mending. Washing their vehicle. Making a meal for someone and delivering it.

Quality time is the one that has only been made harder, but not impossible. Give someone your undivided attention on a video call. Or even your child, give them undivided attention. Have meaningful conversations with others, asking older relatives what it was like for them growing up. You can even plant something together outside, being able to easily keep the six feet of distance.

These love languages also help create a purpose for yourself. Other ways to find purpose is to look at what makes you feel good, or what is meaningful in your life. Discovering goals and exploring your dreams, wishes, and desires. Purpose doesn’t just come from what you get accomplished or what your job is. That’s only a part of who you are. Accomplishments don’t define you, despite what societal pressures have taught us.

Lastly are resources for you or others that may be struggling with their depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts. I don’t know who this will reach, so this list may be more extensive than necessary. Pass on the information to those you feel need it.

Resources

This is a cross post with parasolwellness.com