Being Unapologetically You

Being unapologetically you is a struggle that often has criticism from one person or another. For example, one of my most recent work related ventures is starting a podcast with a couple of therapist friends. We quickly put everything together and recorded our first podcast, and loved how it came out. The episode was then posted and shared with all of our family and friends. Everyone gave wonderful advice and feedback about what they liked and what could be done differently or better. Then there was one comment said by someone close to me that I didn’t know quite how to respond to. He had said that I didn’t sound like myself. The best response I could think of was to explain that the topic of the first episode was very sensitive and so we needed to be careful. He said he understood, but that wasn’t what he was talking about. Nor was he really able to explain further.

Our Multiple Roles

For a while what he said slightly bothered me because I was just being myself. But then I listened again and understood. He had never heard me while I’m in my role as a therapist. Which is still me, I just sound a little different because of the level of professionalism that needs to be added. There are a lot of different roles that we present and each one comes at different times depending on the situation.

I used to say that this would have been my therapist mask, and that we wear different masks depending on the situations that we’re in. However, as I’ve continued to grow, I’ve seen that the masks that we wear are more hiding ourselves from others. It’s a bit we put on to protect ourselves. Because of this I’ve stopped calling these different parts of us as masks. Instead I call them for what they are – the different roles that we play that make up the whole of who we are.

This therapist role is a part of who I am, but not the whole me. And this is true for all of us. Our entire being is made of various roles that come together to create who we are as a person. We’re complex beings with big personalities. Each role we play has helped create who we are and at the very center of all those roles coming together is our authentic self.

Taking Off Our Masks

Our masks are more of a protector, a facade that we put on to keep a more vulnerable part of ourselves safe. Because of something in our past we’ve hidden away our true selves. As a result it has become difficult to let that part of us out. The best part of us, the most comfortable part, we have hidden away under a masked part of ourselves.

I had the option to either let what he said bother me, put on a mask, and hide part of who I am- Or smile, keep that mask put away, and continue on in what I do and how I do it because this is who I am. And that second option for a lot of people is hard, especially if the feedback they get is painful in some way. A lot of times it’s just easier to hide who they really are. But in the end, that doesn’t make them any happier. Being unapologetically you, the true authentic you is where the happiness is.

What he had said to me, I shrugged off. Mostly because I was being me, a nervous me, but me all the same. Partially because I’ve grown in my confidence of who I am to not care much at all about other people’s opinions of me, no matter how close of a relationship we have. And that’s because I’m never going to make everyone happy, so why not just focus on making myself happy?

Unapologetically You

By being as much of my true self as I can be, I am being unapologetically me. It feels good to be me, and to have the confidence to be me. Just like everyone else has struggled to get to a confident place, I have too. When you start honoring and being your true self, people are going to push back because you are putting up boundaries, you are no longer trying to make everyone happy. And that is perfectly fine and healthy to have those boundaries. It is a good thing to not try to make everyone happy. Making everyone happy is actually one of the more impossible tasks there is due to how many different opinions and desires are out there. So why not just focus on you?

Despite what we have all grown up being told, it’s ok to put yourself first. It’ll be a strange thing and you’ll probably feel guilty the first few times you do it. But the benefits of putting your happiness first are so worth it. Putting yourself first makes it easier to be unapologetically you. The authentic you.